Should the sinners be the burdens buried in the deep ends of hellfire and the righteous souls be lifted to the promised paradise? While we breath at this moment, at this present state, we scrutinized those of our dislike and praised those of our desire. Yet, who are we to judge when we are all sinners since the time of Adam and Eve?
The rain continued to pour outside of this dry haven, beating the glass with its attention-seeking tears; demanding that I take pity of its long sorrowful story: Being molested by ghastly smelling air, forced to be ripped away from the days of purity. It had been on and on for a few days, though at times it stopped for a while as if to rest and catch its breath to wail more afterwards.
Are you worth the pity, dear sky? Your dearest sister, the earth had suffered more than you did and endured longer than you did. She was raped countless time and hurt many times more since the beginning of mankind. Are you worth that lonely pity, dear sky?
The black poison helped its way through into my blood, but delayed since I drank rather slowly. I must admit that it was only seven in the evening when I started, too early to enjoy such a potent drink. Nevertheless, I cared less: My body desired for one. It is rather strange how at times, the body realized you are suffering before your mind noticed it. I must admit that at one point, I showered only every two to three days, ate a single meal in a day and unable to sleep when needed but felt tired when not wanted. My mind, on the other hand, acknowledged the hidden despair after a week or so. Is it not strange that the source of sadness, that is the soul, was discovered by the non-thinking body before the mind?
Body and soul, are we of two different entities tied together by the chains of life? For without the body, one is just a ghost; For without the soul, the body is just a breathing or dead corpse. Is the mind the one that joins the soul and body together? Is the body the Id, soul as the superego and the mind as the ego? Nonetheless, how is that Id noted Superego but slipped past the ego? What has Sigmund Freud got to say of this subconscious concern of Id?
Already, I am on my second glass of vodka and cola. A thought crossed my mind that today is only the third day of the new year and have I, a daily reflector gave last year much thought? No, not yet, I realized that.
Was 2007 a good year?
No, not really.
Why?
I am disappointed in myself; I did not fulfill what I set off to do.
Why is that?
I am of weak will and have been naive for far too long. I am of greed, of wrath, of pride, of sloth, of envy but not of glutton and lust. Although there had been many obstacles, I only have myself to blame as I was not strong enough to face them. Instead, I cower in fear and ran away, I delayed so not to face the problem in front. Indeed, I am a foolish coward.
What will you do now?
I need to be strong, that is the only way to be.
Still on my second glass of vodka and cola, but my body is starting to swirl a bit on its own and my mind is contaminated by a little (I misspelled starting as standing; how cute can you be in your mistakes and still be conscious enough to notice them?). What do you expect from drinking too fast? What do you hope to achieve to drink such venom into a partially empty stomach?
Were you intending to wash down the guilt of another unfulfilled year as you confessed in writing?
I have a faint suspicions that my urge for a drink is force me into reflecting on my yesteryear. I guess I should stop here and go to sleep before brushing my teeth becomes a hard thing to do.
Why, it is barely nine in the evening.
Happy new year, everybody.
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